The End

So here is the new blog celebrating Anita’s life and continuing her legacy of people she touched with her love and light. She jammed so much into her life in a short 37 years, where do I begin? How about at the end?

Thursday, August 20th, 2009, was our 15th wedding anniversary. We got started celebrating late at night on the 19th, after the kids went to bed. About 10:00 pm, I went to Kroeger grocery store and bought some watermelon and Dove chocolate that she was craving. Her stomach was upset so she didn’t want a lot of junk food, just a little chocolate and some fruit. I came back and we watched part of a movie, “Boiler Room”. We went to bed after midnight, so it was a good start to our anniversary.

So Thursday was pretty normal. The kids got off to school. Anita worked at home and I stayed with Penny all day and did a bit of computer work. We had talked only briefly about a special dinner that night – I usually cooked one. I took Julia to piano lessons that afternoon and Anita went to meet a client. On the way home, the kids and I stopped at Publix and grabbed a few food items for that night: ice cream and bananas for banana splits and broccoli to go with the pork chops I had at home. But when I got home, I decided that pork chops were not special enough for an anniversary, so I called Anita as she was on her way back. She had a similar idea so we decided she’d pick up Chinese food and come home instead of dragging the kids out to a restaurant.

The food was great. The kids got baths and in bed and even Penny was asleep by 9 pm. Anita came to me with a conversation about planning her business for the next four years. I was getting kind of tired since we had been up late the previous night, but I got some water and sat down to go over it with her.

Anita liked to draw graphs or pictures to help organize her thoughts. She was trying to plot out her current state of work versus where she wanted to be in four years. She was seeking a part time teaching position. She was in development on a seminar series with four other business women. She had been working off and on for the last year with contract agencies (kind of like temp agencies for lawyers) on projects ranging from 3 weeks to 3 months. She wanted to scale that back (since she often had to go to an office to work them) and ramp up her own business customers. She was also ready to take a class on wills and estate planning to help diversify her services.

That conversation took two hours, but she felt better when we finished. At 11 pm, we grabbed some ice cream and sat down to watch the rest of “Boiler Room”.

“You never made me the soundtrack to this,” she said to me. The movie had a really cool hip hop soundtrack but for some reason was never released as an album. I promised to make it. We went to bed again after midnight.

About 4 am, she woke up and ran into the bathroom. I laid in bed, waiting, and when she came out, I said, “Are you all right?”

“It’s better,” she said. “But I don’t want to lay down. That makes it worse.”

She had been complaining about some pressure in her abdomen/uterus since Wednesday. She said it felt heavy, more like being nine months pregnant than six. She commented that if that kept up, it was going to be a long three months.

She went into my office and downloaded an email from her mom. She had not spoken to her mom since the previous weekend. She found out that her mom had been in the hospital the previous night at 2 am with an infection on her stomach lining. She called me in to talk about it and she was worried. I told her we could go visit her parents that weekend. She wanted to look up some things on the Internet, but she thought my computer ran too slow, she went downstairs to her office. I went back to bed.

She whistled for me about 4:45 am. I went downstairs and she told me she was even more worried about what a stomach infection could mean: ulcers or cancer. She really wanted to call her mom but thought it was too early and wanted her mom to rest. We also discussed meeting up with her sister for her sister’s birthday celebration plus an email from a close friend. She sent me back to bed. 

She came back to bed at about 5:30 am. Penny was laying with me and I got up about 5:45 to get the kids ready for school. While she slept with Penny, I made breakfast, got the kids dressed and packed. I went up stairs, a bit hurried, to get Penny. I started dressing the baby and Anita said, “It’s 6:37. You have time. You don’t have to hurry.” I calmed a bit. Ben and Julia came up to say goodbye. She rolled over and looked at them, told them they looked nice today and to have a good day at school. They left and she rolled back over on her side.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” I said as I left the room.

“Okay,” she said.

I walked the kids to the corner bus stop. Ben’s bus came right away. We waited another 13 minutes for Julia’s to come. Then I strolled Penny home. We were tired, so we went into the bedroom to lay down. I put Penny down next to Anita and sat on the bed. Anita was sound asleep. I whispered her name and Penny patted her on the arm. She didn’t stir, which was unusual, so I thought she must be extra tired. I decided to take Penny away and let Anita rest.

We went in my office and turned on a yoga video. I laid on the floor for half an hour doing the morning routine. Penny laid next to me. When it was done, a second routine started, but I just laid on the floor with my eyes closed, dozing. That routine ran through and when it ended, I decided to get up. if Anita was still asleep, she would be mad because she always wanted to be up and working by 8 am. It was 10 or 15 after.

She was still in the same spot as before. I tried to wake her, called her name, shook her, rolled her over. The rest is a blur but I called 911 and the paramedics came. They worked on her then took her and me to the hospital. But nothing they did could get her back.

The autopsy found “no physical reason” for her death. They sent off blood and tissue samples for tests that may take up to six months. People ask me what happened, but I really don’t know. The Monday of that week, she met with her OB and was fine. Her blood tests had come back perfect. She was in her 27th week.

When I told her mom about the coroner’s initial report, she said, “It doesn’t matter.” I realized she was right. Whether we know or never know what happened to her, it won’t bring her back. I won’t take any more comfort in knowing she died from a blood clot or a heart palpitation than if I didn’t know. It was her time. It’s very, very sad. Tragic.

For more than 10 years, I have been putting my trust in God. With all of her being, Anita followed God’s plan for her and trusted Him. Although sometimes we are afraid, He has brought us through tough times. Anita is now sitting with God in Heaven and I take some small peace that she is at peace. One day we will all see her again. Until that day, we must grieve and move forward with our lives in this world. Her love and memories of her inspires us. Let them continue to inspire us for the rest of our days.