This is a card and letter Anita wrote me as she was leaving Lincoln, then mailed from Omaha and I received it several days later when she was already in New York. The envelope was postmarked June 1, 1993.
The card read:
Will Love Last?
One of the most valuable lessons we
can learn from life is this:
That try as we might,
we will never have all the answers.
We can wonder for the rest of our days
whether we are doing the right thing…
continuing in the best relationship,
and following the best paths
towards tomorrow,
but no on is ever going to
answer those questions for us…We both may have wonderings
of what to do
and curiosities of what’s to come.
Time will help us with the results,
but more than any one thing,
it’s up to us — and to the love
we have for each other –
to go in the right direction.You and I sometimes wonder
about where we’re headed
and whether our love will last
a lifetime through.
We may not know the answer, but
I’ll tell you one thing I know:There’s no one
I’d rather try to spend
forever with…than you.- Collin McCarty
On the inside of the card, she wrote this:
Doll,
It’s midnight Sunday night and I just got back from cleaning my apartment. By the time you get this card I’ll be in New York. Half of the United States will be between us. How strange. I’ve been putting off writing this card, maybe because I’ll have to admit that I’m really leaving and saying good-bye to you. I apologize for running off so abruptly on Saturday, but I just couldn’t handle the situation. Long good byes make me nervous.
I was so sad and lonely for you aon Saturday night. It took all I had not to call you. Even now as I sit here I wonder if I can make it through tomorrow without seeing you one last time before I leave. But I have to. I have to get used to not being able to reach out and touch you whenever I want, whether it be the middle of the day or the middle of the night.
Oh Greg, I don’t have any idea how to make you understand how I feel about you. You gave me time to work through all my insecurities and confusion and fall completely in love with you. You let me depend on you. I felt warm, safe, and protected whenever I was with you, like nothing in the world could harm me. For that, I am forever grateful. As I dismantled the waterbed today I remembered all the nights we spent rolling around in that bed a I hogged the covers, argued with you, laughed with you, made love with you. As I remembered I smiled, then I cried. It truly was euphoria with you.
Every inch of my mind, body and soul will miss your scent, your beautiful hands, and your sensitive, ticklish skin. Whether we end up together or apart in the future, the past five months will always have a permenant palce in my heart. You can always call on me for anything, you’ll always know where I am. And I will always, always love you. You’ll never have to feel alone or lonely again. You’ll always have me.
I’ll call or write soon. All my love and butterfly kisses,
Anita
Finally, she enclosed a piece of notebook paper with the following:
Can you go back in time
To a place in your mind
To the one who knew
A part of you
That you just couldn’t findIf you asked me to choose
Between a memory of two
When it’s said and done
I’ll take the one whose love I had to lose’cause when we danced
I lost my innocence
I loved him then
I always willHe left with me a burning memory
He took with him a part of meIf I could get back where I’ve been
Feel the passion I felt then
I’d be there right now
And yet somehow
It never comes againShe had nothing to gain
But a way out of pain
With her song and dance
She lost romance
The world had gone insaneCan you go back in time
To a place in your mind
To the one who knew
A part of you
That you just couldn’t findLooking back I’m not sure
If I won or lost the warWhen he danced with me
our hearts were free
as far as I could see- “And he danced” from the soundtrack of the movie “Stealing Home”
