Happiness vs. joy

At the very front file of Anita’s current filing system was a folder labeled GOD. I started thumbing through the papers in it (it was thick!) and found a four page typed set of notes and thoughts. Upon opneing it, I realized she wrote it not two weeks before she died, probably around the first week of August. I am going to break it up into sections. This is the first two parts.

Happiness vs. Joy

Satan can take my happiness (maybe?) but not my joy – God bought us a minivan on Saturday.  I spent the weekend with my parents – a great, relaxing weekend.  We arrived safely in Plum Branch and at home.  God led me to a book (Sacrament of the Present Moment) to help me along on this part of the path.  The book is totally on point – of course.  He knows.  Penny and I did great in the back of the minivan.

Yet, I woke up last night panicked.  I dreamt disturbing dreams, filled with work and pressure.  So did Greg.  The devil is working – hard – to take our happiness away.  And he may succeed (emotions are uncontrollable, so that’s where he attacks; he suggests things that affect my emotions and stir them up), but he can’t take my joy away.  Joy comes only from God – He holds the key to that.

“Often discouragement sets in after great spiritual experiences, especially those requiring physical effort or involving great emotion.”  NIV notes to I Kings 19:3ff.  When this happens, do what God led Elijah to do – rest, eat, then re-dedicate yourself to God.

“In contrast to happiness stands joy.  Running deeper and stronger, joy is the quiet, confident assurance of God’s love and work in our lives – that He will be there no matter what!  Happiness depends on happenings, but joy depends on Christ.  Philippians is Paul’s joy letter.”  NIV at p. 2143.

 My Cross

“Take up your cross and follow me.” – Greg pointed out that my mother did that when she said to us – I will either take a job and buy you things, or stay home to take care of you and you’ll have to do without some things.  These weren’t great job prospects, but she would have done it anyway, no questions asked.

Do I ever take up my cross?  Seems like Greg does every single morning (and through most of the night) when he rises to care for screaming and restless children and taking care of the older ones and the house.

But when do I take up my cross?  What is my cross?  I fear I never do take it up, but fight it each and every step of the way.

What has God given me to do?  Who has He given me to serve?  Maybe this business isn’t a response to my request at all.  Maybe my request was all about “leadership” and “creation” and whatever else I was fantasizing about when I thought about the “power and freedom” of running my own business and running my own life.

Maybe this business IS God’s assignment to me.  And maybe it’s not about me liking it or not liking it – maybe it’s about letting God use it (among lots of other things) to begin to turn me into the creature He intended me to be – understanding that the process will be long, slow, sometimes painful, and won’t be complete until I reach the other side.