Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

One of my Facebook friends sent out a message that October 15th was the official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I had never heard of it, but was happy to join in lighting a candle form 7 to 8 pm in memory of our lost children.

Miscarriage is not a topic men speak about much or probably think about much. I remember last year, one of my good friends mentioned she has had four, which shocked me. Anita then told me it was not that uncommon. I have since found out that several other friends and relatives have had them, so she must be right.

My mom had one when I was about 8 years old. I don’t remember it that well. I know she was in the hospital briefly. She told me she lost a baby and I remember telling my babysitter about it very mater-of-factly, like 8 year olds are wont to do. Recently my mom told me she still grieves over the loss, but I never thought much of it.  The only other person I ever told about it was Anita.

Anita had a miscarriage in the fall of 2005. It was one of the reasons why we never told anyone when she was pregnant until much later in the term. For several years before Anita was pregnant with Julia (2001), we were not sure if we could get pregnant. After Julia, Anita was almost certain she would not be pregnant again. This pregnancy came a few months after we moved from Chicago to Atlanta area.

This is what she wrote in her journal.

9/25/05

I found out I was pregnant again yesterday morning at about 5 am.

I’m reading about the prophet Elisha in 2 Kings. The notes say that while Elijah battled idolatry, Elisha showed God’s powerful and caring nature to all who came to Him for help. Elisha spent time in the compassionate care of people.

For the last several weeks, I feel that God has been teaching me obedience and trust – no matter what is put before me (e.g. a crushing workload), trust God that all things work to the good of those who are called according to his purpose, do the work & move on.

With this pregnancy, I feel like I have seen the compassion of God. Like He has reached out and touched me and said here – here ya’ go. Enjoy. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a second chance.

10/4/05

I lost the baby on Sunday. It still hurts sometimes.

Elicia and I are talking seriously about buying a Homes & Land franchise. Is that OK do you think?

I’ve got to keep my job in perspective and go to bed at night – enjoy my children in the evening – compartmentalize my thinking more – my mind torments me – my mother says my thorn is my mind – I can’t let go – I can’t surrender.

- The miscarriage has brought me closer to my parents – I asked for this beginning on 9/16

True relationships, it seems, are forged in the crucible of adversity.

Adversity – though painful – is also good. It brings you closer to God, it brings you closer to people.

For Anita, Penelope (2008) was our miracle baby. When she got pregnant again (2009), she had an intuition – a fear – that someting would go very wrong with her pregnancy. She insisted on getting a doctor instead of her preferred midwife. Eerily, it seems her intuition was correct.

Peter was 27 weeks matured in Anita’s womb when he died. I got to hold him which is more than most can say for their lost ones. I have these photos of him that torture me every time I see them. It still hurts me sometimes too…

She was right about adversity though. It brings you closer to God and to people. I have experienced both in the last 2 months.