Lean not on your own understanding

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
- Proverbs 3:5

I have a little card with this verse on it on the driver side visor of my van. It reminds me of this great Post-it note Anita kept on her computer for a long time: Trust deeply that God is controlling your life.

This was one of those things that Anita wanted to be reminded of every day. Every day brought new stresses and, seemingly, more tasks than time. Every time a best laid plan for the future was derailed or took a detour, she questioned what she was doing. When she thought she had God’s path figured out for herself, some new distasteful, herculean task appeared. Do it or avoid it? God placed or self-made?

Too often we spent hours analyzing the possibilities. Often we sought to avoid the tasks that were not what we “wanted to do”. We were very good at avoiding. (I still can’t seem to keep my kitchen clean every day.)

But we were slowly working our way to doing those things anyway, regardless of what we wanted to do. If we only did what we wanted to do, well, we might live a life of ease, but not a Godly life. God does not promise us ease or happiness (two things we seems to pursue endlessly). In fact, it seems that through suffering we learn the most important lessons. God’s path is usually not the easy path, but we resist it. Anita was often hard on herself for resisting doing God’s hard things. (Ironic.)

One of the stalwart books in Anita’s study over the last 10 years is The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a German who spoke out against the Nazis and was jailed and hanged for it. This book was written mainly while in prison, awaiting his death. In it, he speaks about what it means to be a disciple of Christ – the really hard truths about it. (I actually bought this book in 1999 when I was spending a lot of time studying world religions – Anita got WAY more out of it than I ever did.)

Bonhoeffer quotes the writings of  Martin Luther (p 93):

Discipleship is not limited to what you can comprehend – it must transcend all comprehension. Plunge into the deep water beyond your own comprehension, and I will help you to comprehend even as I do. Bewilderment is the true comprehension. Not to know where you are going is the true knowledge. My comprehension transcends yours. Thus Abraham went forth from his father and not knowing whither he went. He trusted himself to my knowledge, and cared not for his own, and thus he took the right road and came to his journey’s end. Behold, this is the way of the cross. You cannot find it yourself, so you must let me lead you as though you were a blind man. Wherefore it is not you, no man, no living creature, but I myself, who instruct you by my word and Spirit in the way you should go. Not the work which you choose, not the suffering you devise, but the road which is clean contrary to all that you choose or contrive or desire – that is the road you must take. To that I call you and in that you must be my disciple. If you do that, there is the acceptable time and there your master is come (Luther).

(It seems like this passage is written as God speaking to someone. The underlining is Anita’s emphasis.)

Anita wrote in the bottom margin: bear suffering and rejection of men – and forgive. endure

It’s not easy for us (me) to trust God with your future, that is why we need constant reminders to trust – let go of the worry and stress and angst.

This trust has helped me immeasurably in the time since Anita died. Sitting in the hospital, right after they pronounced her dead, I knew that this was God’s will for her life and mine. I certainly didn’t like it and still have torouble adjusting to it. It’s very painful. But I have always known that it was beyond my own understanding as to why she died now and here and this way. That was not mine to know. Mine was to trust God and follow Him, whatever may come. I am trying not to fight it because I know it will be even more painful to fight than to do it.