A significant experience

This morning I found a Personal Statement that Anita wrote for her college applications (one that went to several colleges). Part of the directions said to “Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you.”

On March 29, 1988, a very close friend of mine was killed in a car accident. Do you want to know what the most shocking thing about her death was? It wasn’t that she didn’t deserve to die. Who does? It wasn’t that I thought “why her?” Why not her? It wasn’t even the fact that I was supposed to be in that car with her, although that was a difficult thought to cope with. The most shocking things about her death was one minute I could see her, touch her, talk to her, and make her laugh. Still, just a split second later, she could be lost to me forever, or at least until I join her on the other side.

Having had quite a difficult time dealing with her death, I can honestly say Heather’s passing was the worst experience of my life. I am just not one who has a talent for dealing with death. I never knew my paternal grandmother well, but after she passed away my entire family attended her funeral. I saw my father crying. I had never seen my father cry before that time. Seeing a strong man torn apart with grief like that gave me my first glimpse into the feelings of the people who the deceased leave behind.

The one, most probably only, good thing resulting from Heatherr’s death was the way all of her friends pulled together to help each other get through such a stressful time. Shortly after her death, all we could do when we got together was mourn our loss. Now, when her closest friends talk about her, we remember the good times: her smile, the laughs, the joy of youth.

What have I learned from all this? I’ve learned that I am not immortal. I’ve decided to treat everyone with love and respect because they might be gone in a minute, an hour, or a week from now. I’ve learned to live everyday as if it were my last, because, if you get right down to it, it very well might be.

I read somewhere that some cultures celebrate death as a transition to a different state of being. I guess I am selfish. I don’t want Heather to enjoy a different state of being. I want her down here with me, laughing, gossiping, and sharing my secrets.

This expereince has had a strong impact on my life. It has shown me how to appreciate the simple things and how not to take anything for granted.

An acquaintance of mine put it all in perspective when he said, “Sometimes it doesn’t take a lifetime to do what you have to do.”

Anita Parker
5/11/88