I’ve been having a problem lately. The problem is taking up my cross. As time has passed, my focus has blurred, motivations floundered and the details of life intervened. I realized some days I had gone without even seeing a picture of Anita, let alone preserving her memory and sharing her love (which I believe is part of my cross).
Anita had stuck this purple Post-it to the side of her laptop. I know she struggled too with taking up her cross. One of her big ones was providing for her family. Sometimes that seemed to conflict with running her business (which helped and touched so many people) because it didn’t generate enough money to pay the bills. So she took other jobs to fill that need, which took away from her work of helping small business people. Her need seemed to trump her purpose, which was a constant (constant!) source of stress for her.
Some may say, “Be gentle. Take it slow, Greg. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Yes, that is true. Grief messes up your best intentions with a roller coaster of emotions and often removes your motivation to do anything, let alone something hard like taking up your cross. And your sins mess up your grief and derail your healing process. Oh, what a tangled web we weave!
Please, I am not a bible scholar or even close to an expert in the subject of interpreting the bible. But here is Mark 8:34, Jesus said: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” I interpret, leave behind your own desires and life and follow Christ.
From Anita’s bible notes (Life Application Study Bible NIV): “Jesus was talking about the heroic effort needed to follow him moment by moment, to do his will even when the work is difficult and the future looks bleak.”
Now, at this point in my life (whew, at this point in my DAY), I’m not really feeling HEROIC. Picking up your cross is HARD. Likewise, grief is HARD. The former is a choice while the latter is thrust upon you. How does one manage the process of grief and simultaneously do the hard work necessary to be the person God wants you to be?
Oh, yes, suggestions are very welcome.
Hey Greg
I’ve been struggling with some tough challenges lately (nothing like you, but still, they bog me down!) and I found this cool website where you can write an email to God. Basically, you write down those things that you think are too hard to let go of, and when you hit send, the message is deleted. But the point is to articulate the problem or the challenge or the rage or the pain and address it to God. Amazingly, it helped me! It’s like a written prayer, I guess. I don’t know… But I thought it might help you sometimes too. Here’s the address:
http://www.kingdomwayonline.org/KWO/GodsEMail/default.asp
I’ve felt a huge sense of relief and a greater sense of openness to Him since using this.
Hugs to you and the kids
Sarah
PS–go Fire!!!
You are so right Greg in that you have to think of it moment by moment. You can’t look ahead and see the whole journey before you, that is too much. So minute by minute, you carry your cross,although sometimes the weight of it seems like too much that you just can’t carry it one more second. I like to think that when it gets that “heavy”, God helps us hold it up, because we can’t carry it alone. I’d like to think that He is helping you right now when the weight is too much. Thinking of you and your family.