Love letter #3

June 2, 1993 9:57 pm

Hi! I wish you’d call. I just finished reading every piece of mail and/or note you gave me. There’s 8 total including B-day & valentines cards, a napkin note on my car at Amigos, two notes left on my bed, a paper plate and last but not least, you most recent card.

I guess the last few days I’ve been thinking about how much I missed you and not about the fun we had. Unfortunately, this is the first time I’ve ever look back, had happy thoughts and cried. The part you wrote about stealing the covers, arguing and laughing had me reminiscing over you.

I loved the card. There’s no one I’d rather try to spend forever with…than you. That’s so true and hearing it from you makes it even sweeter. Today I realized that I may be able to fall in love again but right now I don’t want to. I just want you forever. The always thinking me is having a huge debate with myself. The thinking part knows that you’ll probably never come back, it won’t ever be the same, I learned a lot from you, I have months packed full of great memories and I’m luckier than most people to get it.

But the emotional side of me still hangs on to the shred of hope that one day we’ll be together again in some way.

I wish now that I could’ve been this focused from the beginning of college. If I didn’t have school hanging over my head I’d be free to make choices that involve you. Now I have a drive and I see a future for myself. Regardless of our relationship in the future, my plans plans won’t start manifesting, my dreams won’t come true until I’m out of college. Degree in hand, I can take the road of life any direction I want, to you even, if you’d still have me. For now, I have my new drive to finish school , and I’ll make you proud, just wait and see.

By the way, I know exactly how you feel about me. It’s the exact same way I feel about you! (Who’da thunk it?) I am completely and udderly, wildly and passionately in love with you.

If I have to wait for you, I will. It’ll be hard, for sure, but well worth it. And if you don’t come back, I’m positive that we’ll both be happy with our lives because that’s the way we live.

Yesterday when I wrote you, I didn’t feel much better, but the more I write today, the happier I am. Crazy!?

When I go to bed at night, I think about you. When I get up in the morning, I wonder if you’re really gone. Nearly 80% of the songs I heard today made me think of you. Frying at work is just the first three hours of you non-stop.

In your first letter to me, you told me that our relationship wasn’t worth it since you were leaving soon. Four and a half months later, you’re in love with me. Wow. It must be the greatest feeling in the world. It is!

And I’ll never feel lonely again. I’ll always have you. As long as I can call you! I was this much closer to calling your parents tonight to get your brother’s number to find where you are. You know what? It’s really crazy, but I really wish I’d met your parents. Crazy, huh? After the big argument I put us through, after I was such a chicken-shit, now I wish I knew them so maybe I could just call and say “How is Anita?” I was almost hoping to meet your dad on Sat or Sun here in Lincoln.

The best part of your card was the line “whether we end up together or apart in the future”. It told me that you hadn’t abandoned hope and still, somewhere in your mind, could picture us together again. That give me more hope than anything.

Well beautiful, I guess I’ll kiss your picture good-night, read your card again and go to bed! Another day passed and you didn’t call. It’s not gonna hurt, promise! But until you calll, I’ll be waiting, every day. Good night. I love you.