Penny’s 2nd birthday

Today is Penny’s 2nd birthday. I have made it through Julia’s birthday, Anita’s birthday, Ben’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve and now it is Penny’s birthday. Every holiday is hard.

I was sitting at my older daughter’s school program last night and thinking that two years ago at that time I was driving Anita to the hospital. She had labored from mid-afternoon on February 4, 2008, but didn’t bother to call me. Instead she let me continue to take Julia to ballet lesssons and called her sister to come over to the house and take care of the kids so I could take her to the hospital when I returned.

I returned home to find her havign contractions 3 or 4 minutes apart. “Let’s go!” I said and started throwing things into a suitcase (we had a list of things to take but you would have thought we’d be already packed since she was almost 2 weeks past her due date). But she wanted to wait and she instructe dme on all the things that needed packed and taken care of before we left – every coupe of minutes freezing her instructions whil ein contarction pain.

We had selecte da hospital an hour’s drive away because it was the best equipped for a natural childbirth – and most friendly to midwives. But that was one of the longest hours of my life. The bumps in the road were painful so at first she wanted to stop during every contraction. That lasted about two contractions and we agreed that we would not make it to the hospital in time if we did that.

So she reclined the sat all the way back, foudn a position laying half on her side and I drove in the dark as quickly but safely as I could to the hospital. She was amazing but in tremendous pain and it made every mile creep by.

She was pre-registered so she was admitted quickly and we got her up to room in a wheelchair. The midwife was already there and she told Anita that she was already 10 cm dialated, although her water had not broken. Sparing you all the details, Anita labored painfully for several hours then the midwife broke her water and Penelope was born at 12:04 am on February 5th.

How did she get to be 2? It seems like I was driving the car to the hospital yesterday. Now she chatters little narrations to me and throws shoes at me. She had her first haircut this week. And she doesn’t even really know it’s her birthday, it’s just that everyone is excited for her.

Penny recognizes photos of Anita and always includes “mommy” when sayign the names of our family members. How old will she be before she asks, “Where is mommy?” It pains me to think she will have not one single memory of her mother – we don’t retin anymemories from this age. A few photos and our sotires is all she will have.

I wish I had some point or realization to this post, but I don’t. We will celebrate with a homemade Elmo cake and some presents, her daddy, brother and sister, aunt and grandma. That’s all Anita would have wanted. Damn I wish she was here.