Valentine’s Day – the best and the worst

This is my first Valentine’s Day without Anita since 1993. It is very tempting to be sad, another lonely single person detesting the day of love and romance. I’ll try not to dwell too much on that instead reflecting on Valentine’s Days past.Anita and I agreed early on that this was a manufactured holiday, but as we joked, we always took a but of time for Valentine’s Day to enjoy each other.

Our early married days didn’t find is with much money for gifts, so we usually exchanged cards and ordered take out.

Our favorite Valentine’s Day was one I could never top. My holiday task was always relatively easy because Anita loved roses and chocolate (especially Dove milk chocolate). In February 1999, Anita was at the end of law school and I was finally working a good job in Chicago. I decided to splurge and got her a card, a dozen roses and a box of chocolates from Marshall Field’s. The box was gold and had a ticket inside with a chance to instantly win a $10,000 diamond ring. She opened it and didn’t win. Then I said, “I was afraid of that so I bought you this just in case.” I pulled out a ring I bought for her that was all of her favorites: white gold, a thick band, 16 square cut diamonds and sapphires. She totally loved it and since I had not bought her a diamond ring (we just had matching wedding bands), she wore the Valentine’s ring as her wedding band for 6-7 years.

Last year, 2009, was the worst Valentine’s Day. I had bought her flowers and a card and planned a nice dinner at home. Anita had bought something “special” for me, which was somewhat unusual. However, I said something insensitive (I don’t remember what) like I did from time to time and she got mad and the night was ruined. After she died, I found what she bought me in a sack stuffed in a bottom drawer of her office. It still pains me to remember that ruined night, our last Valentine’s Day.

This year I bought Anita the new Sade CD, “Soldier of Love”. Sade was one of Anita’s favorite artists and this is her first album in 10 years. It’s very good but could have been called “Greg’s Broken Heart Album” because every song seems to speak to my situation (the mark of a good artist, I would say).

Take for example “Morning Bird”:

How could you
you are the river
pour out of this life

How could you
you are the morning bird
who sang me into life every day
fly away

You are the blood of me
the harvest of my dreams
there’s nowhere I can find peace
and the silence won’t cease

Nothing’s quite as it seems
the ghost of my joy
won’t let me be

If you set me free I will not run
I will not run
I will not run

Yesterday, I drove by Anita’s grave to see the snow on it – I sight I may never see again. When we drove away, Penny said unprompted, ” Bye, mommy.”

Yes.