Impending Anniversary

Tomorrow is 11 months since Anita died, so the one year mark is a short time away. I have been on vacation and haven’t been focused on August or even given it any thought.

But in the last few days a number of people have asked me questions along the lines of “what are you going to do” for the one year anniversary?

One answer is: some of my relatives and Anita’s relatives are coming to town.

Another one is: my son has his first big soccer tournament all that weekend.

A third is: I don’t know.

I have read that a lot of people do not like to mark the death date of their loved one. It’s usually a very painful, bitter day. Some people go out of town and seclude themselves. I didn’t think I want to be with anyone. But I will be sitting around with about 800 soccer players and parents that day. Hope the weather is nice. (And I really hope I don’t hear “What does your wife do?”)

I have heard that people like to celebrate the deceased person on their birthday, a traditionally happy day. That makes sense to me because in just the few mental minutes I gave today to August 21st, I started reliving the day in 2009. That horrific day. Maybe someday I will be able to put down on paper the details of that day, but it’s still nightmarish.

Then I think about August 20th, our wedding anniversary. A great day in 2009. Not so much 2010.

So I hope it’s a good soccer tournament and can spread some sunshine on my August 20th/21st double whammy.