I’ve been sick this week. After a huge party to celebrate my 40th birthday – which was amazing – Penny got sick last weekend and then I caught it, mainly in my sinuses. I am not sure why being sick always brings waves of grief on me, but it does. Perhaps because Anita took care of me when I was sick and also took care of the kids, which now all still falls to me, sick or not.
So I was listening to some of Anita’s music today and thumbing through some old files and found this one dated April 26, 2009 – four months before she died.
2) ACCEPT THE SITUATION
When you truly, deeply accept the situation, and I mean accept it as if you had chosen it, you release all “victim” energy. Thoughts and feelings that you’ve been victimized repel happiness.
In my case, I was blessed with a dream on the second anniversary of my husband’s death. In this dream, I met my husband at the airport and raged, “How could you rip my heart out? How could you die beside me?” I confronted him with his ultimate betrayal, “How could you leave our son without his father?!”
In this dream, my late husband asked me three questions. “If you had it to do all over again, would you still marry me?”
I thought for a moment, flooded with happy memories. I’d take my time with him, though it be short. “Yes.”
“If you had it to do all over again, would you still have our son?”
This time the answer was quicker, surer. He’s the light of my life, my joy, my blessing! “Yes!”
And then my late husband asked the final question, “Given that, would you want to know that I would die young?”
His question hung in the air. Would I choose to taint our joy with dread? I looked into my heart. After a long moment, I realized the answer. “No.”
This dream changed my life. I was freed from the idea that I was a victim of fate. You can free yourself, too, by simply imagining the possibility that you were spared a much worse fate. Once you accept your “lemons,” you can make lemonade.
.~.~.~
Ironically, I found that this quote came from the book “From Heartbreak to Happiness” that Anita had been reading online in early 2009, and I discovered and bought a copy a year later. It still blows me away at her clairvoyance on the issue of death.
Ha ha, after I posted this I realized I had posted this one before, January 1, 2010. Just shows how some things are forgotten and reviewing them brings you even more clarity.
I remembered reading this one before but it’s such a great one to reread over and over. It’s such a bummer that you are again feeling sick and on your birthday. But one thing is for sure; you really threw a great party and we hope there are many more birthdays to come! And parties, maybe? A magic wand, a wave of my hand, I’d like to have something to instantly make your life better; the very best we can do is have faith that He knows the path your life will take, and paralleling that to your story, “Would you taint joy for the future with dread for the future?”. No, I wouldn’t either. Keep the faith, feel the joys, laugh deep from within your tummy, and always keep on dancing!!!
I’m sure I read this before, but I needed to read this again. I guess knowing is half the battle and part of the problem. Working on feeling the joys:)